Calling all sockos: NEW FEATURE!

Just to show the good people of Tazerville that we care AND have a sense of humor, we thought we'd give you a change of pace for Friday. Today, we hand down the first ever "Ask a dumb question/Get a smart answer" prize, aka the "Dee Dee Dee," to which we will reply unmercifully...

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Mack the Knife said…
Do you guys at the Tazer have any hobbies like playing the banjo or something. Do you even have boyfriends/girlfriends? Do you have endless supplies of the legendary Banstick?

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Dear Mack the Knife,

Thank you for your comment!

There are no hobbies allowed for Tazer personnel, and the banjo has been banned from Tazerville since 1969. This not only coincides with the debut of Hee Haw, but is also a nod to Muslim readership for whom stringed instruments are haraam.

"Significant others" are allowed and there are several, but Tazer security clearances still apply. Thus, any boyfriend or girlfriend is highly unlikely to know that they are actually dating Tazer personnel. Seriously, you could be dating one of us now. We're everywhere.

Believe it or not, there is one -- and only one -- Banstick. It is an impervious rod of unknown origin that we have so far been unable to destroy, despite repeated heavy usage. Some scientists believe it is a natural phenomenon discovered by ancient Native Americans, and composed of molten meteoric iron. Others insist that it is merely a 2-by-4 that's been soaking in motor oil since 1940, and thus, cannot bend, break, nor splinter. At any rate, we like it because it's heavy and does the job.

Stay in school, be good, and take your vitamins!
The City of Richmond Truth Tazer